I no longer see this country's future to be as bright as I hoped it would be. The thing is though, this is not because of 'the blacks', but because of the white man.
One thing I cannot stand, detest, despise, hate is racism. I cannot handle it though more and more I see it around me. The outlook that so many white people still have, even after 12 years of so-called democracy, is disgusting. It boggles my mind that fairly intelligent people can think of and treat other human beings with such disrespect, as if they were better than them because of a mere genetic difference of pigmentation. Because one has a darker skin colour than others, they are automatically stupid, lazy, dumb, stubborn, criminals and slaves and I'm leaving out so many other labels. The thing that disgusts me the most is that the white people will interact with the "ka***rs" with a smile on their face and a joke on their lips, but as soon as they are no longer in the same room they bitch, moan and skinner about them. In the isolated environment that we have at the restaurant, the way the kitchen staff are treated, thought of and spoken of is appaling. It is taken for granted that they don't know what they're doing. I'm pretty sure that every day that I have worked there, and I have worked there on and off for 2 years now, I have heard at least one remark about 'hoe dom Lizzie is" or "Jis maar daai Paulina is lui". I sit outside and listen to this, and I can't help thinking that this is probably the way that the mojority of white people in South Africa think, whether they voice it or not. It doesn't matter that maybe Lizzie can't read properly because your parents (or even you) put her through bantu education where she was barely taught how to sign her name so she could make verging-on-slave-labour contracts to work for you, call you BAAS and wipe your children's asses. When I've confronted people about their feelings the answer I get is "No, we've had different upbringings". NO DUH! Then you had an upbrining that was blatantly wrong, even evil, and you should be bright enough to see that by now. The trouble is what do I do? If I speak up I will most probably lose my job, a job that I love, and I still feel some sort of allegiance to. However, if I don't what happens to my morals? I've already decided that I will not be returning to work at the restaurant after this vac. In my head I'm still arguing with myself wether I should do something more drastic sooner. Without trying to fall into the same trap of judging people by skin colour, I have lost faith in my own race.
Looking at myself, I know I have had a slightly different upbringing. I know I went to a 99.75% black school (the work black not including coloureds and indians as so many people do). I know I have grown up with very liberal parents. I know I am lucky enough to be at university which should possibly mean that I think a bit more than the average person. I know that even with my minimal political knowledge I remain an ANC supporter and think that they're on the right track, despite the few setbacks, and I do suffer from white guilt. But come on! Surely by now people should have realised that to think like this is wrong. Yet people still have the belief that their views are completely justified, even to the extent that white people and black people are two completely different species (I have honestly had someone say that to me). How can we ever expect this country to ever succeed if we have people that think this way? We live in a black country: South AFRICA. You as a white person have no claim to this land, it is by grace alone that you are living here. Come on people, think a little bit for heaven's sake!
The sad thing is I can't see any solution to this problem. How do you change people's mindsets? Doing this, whining about it, will not help and I realise that. But I have to say something...
Wednesday, 10 January 2007
Sunday, 07 January 2007
The Saga continues... A new beginning
Ok, hi. Everything below this post is old stuff that I published on my other blog, Im just transferring it over. I think I'm still gonna keep that one open because it's connected to my MSN messenger, and plus it has more space for photos and stuff, so if you want to check that out go here -> http://johnnythefish.spaces.live.com/. Otherwise, I now have an official blog. Woop dee doo. I don't know whether to be excited or scared.
Life might just be a box of chocolates after all
Standing outside on wet grass, watching the sunrise coming over the hills. The bluegum trees and occasional bird are the only things blocking it. This is when I know there is a God. You can feel the morning chill blow over your bare shoulders but the cigarette smoke coming out of your lungs is warmth enough for the moment. A look around and you see the rustic farmhouse, the dogs barely awake on the verandah and the rusted tin roof over their heads. It almost seems as if there needs to be some sort of leit motif, something out of “Goodbye Mr Chips”, to accompany the moment. It’s a cliché, and if you know me you’d know how much I despise clichés, but it’s this very moment that got me realising just how much of a cliché life is.
Presumably a cliché is used so often that it becomes worn-out and hackneyed, almost redundant in a way. Every dog has his day and will be able to see the silver lining at least once in a blue moon sort of thing. Something becomes so familiar that it loses all meaning; it loses all significance. As writers we are discouraged from using the cliché. In my mind though, that in itself has become cliché because everybody trying to write something new and mindboggling has to search their souls and wrack their brains for a new, innovative and untainted approach to say what they want to say, where they could have said it in a much easier way. People become tired of it, I’ve become tired of it. Even now I am guilty of going over the last two paragraphs and making changes to make things sound better. The process of avoiding clichés has become something that annoys people rather than inspiring them to think differently. Is that not cliché?
The more I think about it, the more I realise: “But that’s life, isn’t it?” What everyday task do you do that hasn’t become routine? Everybody has routine, whether they want to admit it or not. Even the procedure of challenging routine has become routine in a sense because so many people are trying to do it nowadays. “Get out of that comfort zone, challenge yourself.” Is cliché not just the verbal version of routine? But with routine also comes solace, safety, security, relief, comfort: all things that you would think people would want for their lives, especially in the (and here comes the cliché) hectic, stressful and violent world we live in. Is it possible that the very thing that people are trying to rid their lives of is the very thing that can actually bring them zen?
Let’s look at the pros and cons of the cliché (yes, I did it again). Cliché serves as relief for those that can’t actually think of anything better to say. It does bring comfort, a form of rest. It allows the mind to relax (now I could say that relaxation allows one to wash out the mind and refresh one’s well-being, but that would just be cliché). Sometimes, even, there is no better way to say something than to cliché it. However, today’s society is looking for new approaches and solutions to the challenges it is facing and cliché allows me to fall back on something that might not actually solve the problem, but gets the work off of my back. In that way it could be argued that cliché breeds idleness, even a state of lethargy.
But, and there are always buts, if you actually sit back and think about it, how is your life different from a cliché? Does it not sometimes annoy you that you always end up doing the same things, falling into the same routine, hanging out with the same people, making the same mistakes? I think I have already argued that this is the real-life equivalent of cliché. I can assure you that this same problem could be found in many other people’s lives too. But (I told you there were buts), how many times have you thought to yourself “this sort of stuff belongs in a movie or a book”? It’s not only the bad times that are clichéd, but the good times times too. The sunsets, the wet grass, rustic farm-style moments, the times enjoying a drink and conversation with friends around a table (be it kitchen or bar): all cliché in their own ways, if you ask me.
My argument? Assess life and I’m sure you will discover exactly how clichéd it is. But does this not work for you? Sometimes we try so hard to find different and new approaches to a problem, or even life, that we forget that most times the best approaches are the ones that come naturally. I know my argument could be percieved as pretty weak, but I’m the clichéd writer: it’s four in the morning, I couldn’t sleep, I’m pumped on coffee and nicotine, but at the same time I’m still tired so my brain might not be working as well as I think it might. I am however asking you to give it a try. Give cliché a try. I’m not saying fall back on the easy life, because we all know life ain’t easy, but sometimes try give your first instincts a chance. The conscience has this amazing ability to be right most of the time. I believe that clichés are cliché for a reason: they usually work. Go over what you’ve just read, this entire entry, and count the number of clichés I’ve used, I challenge you to give me a better way to bring my thoughts across. But don’t get yourself too worked up on it, sometimes you just have to go with the flow, roll with the punches, climb on the bandwagon, and you’ll probably discover that what you were looking for was right under your nose all along.
Presumably a cliché is used so often that it becomes worn-out and hackneyed, almost redundant in a way. Every dog has his day and will be able to see the silver lining at least once in a blue moon sort of thing. Something becomes so familiar that it loses all meaning; it loses all significance. As writers we are discouraged from using the cliché. In my mind though, that in itself has become cliché because everybody trying to write something new and mindboggling has to search their souls and wrack their brains for a new, innovative and untainted approach to say what they want to say, where they could have said it in a much easier way. People become tired of it, I’ve become tired of it. Even now I am guilty of going over the last two paragraphs and making changes to make things sound better. The process of avoiding clichés has become something that annoys people rather than inspiring them to think differently. Is that not cliché?
The more I think about it, the more I realise: “But that’s life, isn’t it?” What everyday task do you do that hasn’t become routine? Everybody has routine, whether they want to admit it or not. Even the procedure of challenging routine has become routine in a sense because so many people are trying to do it nowadays. “Get out of that comfort zone, challenge yourself.” Is cliché not just the verbal version of routine? But with routine also comes solace, safety, security, relief, comfort: all things that you would think people would want for their lives, especially in the (and here comes the cliché) hectic, stressful and violent world we live in. Is it possible that the very thing that people are trying to rid their lives of is the very thing that can actually bring them zen?
Let’s look at the pros and cons of the cliché (yes, I did it again). Cliché serves as relief for those that can’t actually think of anything better to say. It does bring comfort, a form of rest. It allows the mind to relax (now I could say that relaxation allows one to wash out the mind and refresh one’s well-being, but that would just be cliché). Sometimes, even, there is no better way to say something than to cliché it. However, today’s society is looking for new approaches and solutions to the challenges it is facing and cliché allows me to fall back on something that might not actually solve the problem, but gets the work off of my back. In that way it could be argued that cliché breeds idleness, even a state of lethargy.
But, and there are always buts, if you actually sit back and think about it, how is your life different from a cliché? Does it not sometimes annoy you that you always end up doing the same things, falling into the same routine, hanging out with the same people, making the same mistakes? I think I have already argued that this is the real-life equivalent of cliché. I can assure you that this same problem could be found in many other people’s lives too. But (I told you there were buts), how many times have you thought to yourself “this sort of stuff belongs in a movie or a book”? It’s not only the bad times that are clichéd, but the good times times too. The sunsets, the wet grass, rustic farm-style moments, the times enjoying a drink and conversation with friends around a table (be it kitchen or bar): all cliché in their own ways, if you ask me.
My argument? Assess life and I’m sure you will discover exactly how clichéd it is. But does this not work for you? Sometimes we try so hard to find different and new approaches to a problem, or even life, that we forget that most times the best approaches are the ones that come naturally. I know my argument could be percieved as pretty weak, but I’m the clichéd writer: it’s four in the morning, I couldn’t sleep, I’m pumped on coffee and nicotine, but at the same time I’m still tired so my brain might not be working as well as I think it might. I am however asking you to give it a try. Give cliché a try. I’m not saying fall back on the easy life, because we all know life ain’t easy, but sometimes try give your first instincts a chance. The conscience has this amazing ability to be right most of the time. I believe that clichés are cliché for a reason: they usually work. Go over what you’ve just read, this entire entry, and count the number of clichés I’ve used, I challenge you to give me a better way to bring my thoughts across. But don’t get yourself too worked up on it, sometimes you just have to go with the flow, roll with the punches, climb on the bandwagon, and you’ll probably discover that what you were looking for was right under your nose all along.
2006 in retrospect
Im over this year, in more ways than one.
It's basically gone. If they say that matric flies by, wait til you get to varsity. I've grown so much this year, both mentally and socially (if those are the right ways to put it) and feel so much more mature as a person now than I ever did. This year has kicked Germany's ass in terms of self awareness and confidence building. I have met so many people this year, people that I feel closer to than friends I have known my entire life. I've become comfortable with myself as a person. Yes, I am a pretty confusing and fucked up person, but for the first time in my life I feel confident about the person I am: the way I look, the things I say and think, the things I do. Liking myself is such a new experience. My mind has been boggled over and over again, almost every day. Essentially, I've changed homes. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am at home in Grahamstown, for the time being anyway. As cliched a word as it is (especially with me), this year has been awesome. It has opened my eyes to the person I am and the world I live in. Things before seem black and white, whereas now they're in technicolour.
On the other hand, I am over the issues that this year has brought too, and as happy as I want to feel for the abovementioned things, somehow the issues seem to outway the positive sides. Every friend I have made this year has had at least one issue that has affected me. I've had my own issues that have made the lives of others rather crappy. As much as this yaer has helped me come to terms with the skeletons in my closet, the more they seem to be coming back to haunt me. I've been up, and down, up again, down again. I've been scared beyond belief. I've made stuff ups, other people have. I'm tired of the fighting, because I always seem to be fighting with someone. I'm sick of the issues!
Realisations that I've made this year what is has been and how I percieve them:
My mind is so full of new information. I have been bombarded with things that blow my mind almost every day, and I'm still trying to make sense of them. With the new-found confidence, I also know (as cocky as it sounds) that I have the ability to chase all the goals I've made career-wise. I know I have the power to make a success out of my life, and I know that I will. I think I've become more career orientated than I ever have been, which is a good and a bad thing. Because of this, I've had to forsake many other things, but also gained so many new aspects to my life, aspects that make me who I am right now.
I've made amazing friends. Yes, they are friends that I have fought with so many times, but they are friends that have become my family, and which families don't fight every now and then? Whoever said that the friends you make in varsity are the ones that will stick around for life, I am starting to believe that person. Although I'll have to come to terms with the fact that after Rhodes I won't be seeing these people every day, I know that I can call on them any time and they'll make the effort for me, just like I would make the effort for them. I have been reunited with an old old old friend from primary school, and he has become the most amazing person in my life. I rip him off a lot (a shit lot) but he takes it amazingly well and I am so glad he's part of my life again. Dude, I would never have expected it. I've also had to break long-term friendships with people from home, just because, from the different experiences we've had, our lives are no longer on the same level. It's sad, but I've also come to realise that this is a part of life. Life has this amazing way of adapting to change, I need to let it adapt more often.
You can't live with a lovelife, you can't live without one. At one point this year, I thought I was turning into a ho. I got over it though. Random scores have proven to be a blessing and a bitch. Encounters in the dining hall, activate offices or bed the morning after are not pleasant experiences, but I've also made some of my most amazing friends from making out with them first.
I've had my heart broken, I'm still coming to terms with this one. Realising that getting over your first heartbreak is not an easy thing, and the more I think about it the more I think you will never get over that person, but you still move on (that makes sense to me ok, don't look so confused). I realised tonight that the only person that has ever given me butterflies, the only person that I couldn't get out of my head for such a long time, is not gonna happen because of issues on both my part and theirs. As much as I want it to happen, I also don't and I'm sick of the confusion this causes, I'm tired of having to wait around not knowing what's happening and I hate how much I've been hurt in the process. The strange thing is this entire time I've also been infatuated and crushing majorly on someone here since the first time I met her, and she still doesn't know. One of the most amazing girls at Rhodes, who is so out of my league, and I don't even have the courage to do anything about it. Then there's the girl at home that I don't know what to do about. Feelings suck, but you're never gonna stop having them and you'll never be able to choose who you have them for, so rather just have them.
You can look happy and be sad, you can look sad and be happy. No one will actually ever get you. No one, as much as you try and let them know, will ever feel exactly the way you're feeling. I've had so many issues this year with other people and my problems, but the thing that scares me is the problems I tell other people are the ones that mean the least in my life. The real problems in my life are the ones I tell nobody, and the more I think about it, the same goes for others. I am still in the same place in terms of keeping everything bottled up inside. Friends may not think so, but I know that I will never be able to tell them the things that are weighing down my heart. Everybody is scared of judgement, whether they want to admit it or not. Even the 'screw society I'm hardcore' kids. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm manic depressive. That last sentence is the first time I've ever made it known to the general public. But I've also come to terms with the fact that the only person that can do anything about it is me. And I'm trying. I have only had one 'downtime' this term, so I think I'm getting better at pulling myself together. It scares me though that soon I'll have to deal with it myself for three months without being able to run across to Athies or Helen Joseph. But I'll be ok. I always am.
LIFE GOES ON. It is inevitable. You will make fuck ups in your life. Everyone does. The main thing I've realised this year is that no matter how big the fuck up is, you'll be able to deal with it somehow and eventually you'll forget about it and later think "did I really worry that much about such a small thing?" The comforting thing is that if ever there is a time to make stuff ups, it is now. Everything I have ever done, good or bad, has contributed to the person I am today, and as I said before: I'm liking that person. So why worry about stupid things?
I'm over this year. I'm growing up and I know it. The only question I have is whether I'm ok with it or not.
It's basically gone. If they say that matric flies by, wait til you get to varsity. I've grown so much this year, both mentally and socially (if those are the right ways to put it) and feel so much more mature as a person now than I ever did. This year has kicked Germany's ass in terms of self awareness and confidence building. I have met so many people this year, people that I feel closer to than friends I have known my entire life. I've become comfortable with myself as a person. Yes, I am a pretty confusing and fucked up person, but for the first time in my life I feel confident about the person I am: the way I look, the things I say and think, the things I do. Liking myself is such a new experience. My mind has been boggled over and over again, almost every day. Essentially, I've changed homes. As much as I don't want to admit it, I am at home in Grahamstown, for the time being anyway. As cliched a word as it is (especially with me), this year has been awesome. It has opened my eyes to the person I am and the world I live in. Things before seem black and white, whereas now they're in technicolour.
On the other hand, I am over the issues that this year has brought too, and as happy as I want to feel for the abovementioned things, somehow the issues seem to outway the positive sides. Every friend I have made this year has had at least one issue that has affected me. I've had my own issues that have made the lives of others rather crappy. As much as this yaer has helped me come to terms with the skeletons in my closet, the more they seem to be coming back to haunt me. I've been up, and down, up again, down again. I've been scared beyond belief. I've made stuff ups, other people have. I'm tired of the fighting, because I always seem to be fighting with someone. I'm sick of the issues!
Realisations that I've made this year what is has been and how I percieve them:
My mind is so full of new information. I have been bombarded with things that blow my mind almost every day, and I'm still trying to make sense of them. With the new-found confidence, I also know (as cocky as it sounds) that I have the ability to chase all the goals I've made career-wise. I know I have the power to make a success out of my life, and I know that I will. I think I've become more career orientated than I ever have been, which is a good and a bad thing. Because of this, I've had to forsake many other things, but also gained so many new aspects to my life, aspects that make me who I am right now.
I've made amazing friends. Yes, they are friends that I have fought with so many times, but they are friends that have become my family, and which families don't fight every now and then? Whoever said that the friends you make in varsity are the ones that will stick around for life, I am starting to believe that person. Although I'll have to come to terms with the fact that after Rhodes I won't be seeing these people every day, I know that I can call on them any time and they'll make the effort for me, just like I would make the effort for them. I have been reunited with an old old old friend from primary school, and he has become the most amazing person in my life. I rip him off a lot (a shit lot) but he takes it amazingly well and I am so glad he's part of my life again. Dude, I would never have expected it. I've also had to break long-term friendships with people from home, just because, from the different experiences we've had, our lives are no longer on the same level. It's sad, but I've also come to realise that this is a part of life. Life has this amazing way of adapting to change, I need to let it adapt more often.
You can't live with a lovelife, you can't live without one. At one point this year, I thought I was turning into a ho. I got over it though. Random scores have proven to be a blessing and a bitch. Encounters in the dining hall, activate offices or bed the morning after are not pleasant experiences, but I've also made some of my most amazing friends from making out with them first.
I've had my heart broken, I'm still coming to terms with this one. Realising that getting over your first heartbreak is not an easy thing, and the more I think about it the more I think you will never get over that person, but you still move on (that makes sense to me ok, don't look so confused). I realised tonight that the only person that has ever given me butterflies, the only person that I couldn't get out of my head for such a long time, is not gonna happen because of issues on both my part and theirs. As much as I want it to happen, I also don't and I'm sick of the confusion this causes, I'm tired of having to wait around not knowing what's happening and I hate how much I've been hurt in the process. The strange thing is this entire time I've also been infatuated and crushing majorly on someone here since the first time I met her, and she still doesn't know. One of the most amazing girls at Rhodes, who is so out of my league, and I don't even have the courage to do anything about it. Then there's the girl at home that I don't know what to do about. Feelings suck, but you're never gonna stop having them and you'll never be able to choose who you have them for, so rather just have them.
You can look happy and be sad, you can look sad and be happy. No one will actually ever get you. No one, as much as you try and let them know, will ever feel exactly the way you're feeling. I've had so many issues this year with other people and my problems, but the thing that scares me is the problems I tell other people are the ones that mean the least in my life. The real problems in my life are the ones I tell nobody, and the more I think about it, the same goes for others. I am still in the same place in terms of keeping everything bottled up inside. Friends may not think so, but I know that I will never be able to tell them the things that are weighing down my heart. Everybody is scared of judgement, whether they want to admit it or not. Even the 'screw society I'm hardcore' kids. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm manic depressive. That last sentence is the first time I've ever made it known to the general public. But I've also come to terms with the fact that the only person that can do anything about it is me. And I'm trying. I have only had one 'downtime' this term, so I think I'm getting better at pulling myself together. It scares me though that soon I'll have to deal with it myself for three months without being able to run across to Athies or Helen Joseph. But I'll be ok. I always am.
LIFE GOES ON. It is inevitable. You will make fuck ups in your life. Everyone does. The main thing I've realised this year is that no matter how big the fuck up is, you'll be able to deal with it somehow and eventually you'll forget about it and later think "did I really worry that much about such a small thing?" The comforting thing is that if ever there is a time to make stuff ups, it is now. Everything I have ever done, good or bad, has contributed to the person I am today, and as I said before: I'm liking that person. So why worry about stupid things?
I'm over this year. I'm growing up and I know it. The only question I have is whether I'm ok with it or not.
The dog
I saw a dog just now. It was bleeding.
It was still alive, and sniffing around for something to eat on the side of the road.A golden labrador, just like the one I have at home.
It was wounded on its side. Pretty badly. Lots of blood.
I didn't know what to do. Help it? What could I have done?
I didn't touch it because I didn't want to get blood all over me,
so I just walked past.
Now, thinking back. The question is,
when would there be more blood on my hands?
If I touched it? or if I didn't?
It was still alive, and sniffing around for something to eat on the side of the road.A golden labrador, just like the one I have at home.
It was wounded on its side. Pretty badly. Lots of blood.
I didn't know what to do. Help it? What could I have done?
I didn't touch it because I didn't want to get blood all over me,
so I just walked past.
Now, thinking back. The question is,
when would there be more blood on my hands?
If I touched it? or if I didn't?
He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead.
Apathy is a conflict of disinterest. So many people today complain about how apathetic the youth is. How they don't care about anything anymore. Granted, these people are mostly of the older generation, and we are supposedly proven to be the ever-apathetic X generation that doesn't give a damn about society or authority. But still, it seems like the lack of giving a rat's ass is starting to be seen as a problem in the minds of some.
My thoughts? There are so many issues in the "modern" and "civilized" (oh please) world that do need attention, or they will ultimately result in the end of life as we know it. Being the X-generationers that we are, we would usually say, "Fuck it, by the time the effect of not caring is actually in place, I'll be six feet under and laughing my ass off at you unfortunate mofos." Where does this blatant lethargy and lack of concern come from? The generations before us have given more damns than have done them good. Just look at the wars, booms in fertility rates, growths in economics and markets, the hippies, the revolutionary inventions that have come out of the last 30 years, all have tried to better the lives of many. The generation that takes over from us is already predicted to be the avant-garde innovative activist group that might just be able to save this planet, the ones that actually get what is going in and how to fix our stuff ups. So if we are preceeded and are going to be proceeded by people that do care, why is our generation so listless and unconcerned?
Just hang on a second though. You have to give us some credit. I have seen more marches and protests taking place this year at universities and other student based areas than ever before. I've even taken part in a few of them myself. The AIDS crisis, as bad as it is, might just be pushed in the right direction to be able to get it under control. Animal, Gay and Lesbian and even Australian general human rights are being fought for and the fighters are winning. We are getting somewhere, and I do give the people that are getting us there the credit they deserve, but take a look at everyday life. The majority of people don't care if Nestle are using child labour in some random rain forest. Voting statistics from elections all over the world and even on campuses are showing that it is the youth that aren't voting. If you want to take it back to the AIDS dilemma, the disease could be wiped out in one generation, but yet it is growing at a rate of epidemic proportions (cliche, I know, but true). We are apathetic and we know it.
Back to the question. Why are we, the emerging adults of tomorrow, so fatally unconcerned? Everytime a smoker takes a cigarette out of a box, they are forced to see "YOUR SMOKE CAN HARM THOSE AROUND YOU" or "SMOKING CAN KILL". We have been bombarded with the terrors of AIDS and other STDs since we were what? 10? Younger, I would think. The dangers of drugs and how they mess up your brain, sex drive, eyesight, bodily functions and your day to day life have been pushed under our noses since before we could even read. There has been a drastic decline in religion and spirituality over the last 10/15 years, not only in Christianity but in every faith. Compare it to the above mentioned thoughts. We are becoming so used to the problems in the world that they are becoming normalities. Our abilities to comprehend just how dangerous and threatening situations are have been numbed by the warnings and advice shouted in our ears and pushed down our throats. Everything is hyped up so much that we have become bored with it. Everytime I hear the infamous "AIDS talk" by teachers, parents, SHARC members I automatically switch off because I have heard it so many times. SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Where does this leave us? Yes. We are numb. We are becoming immune to the rantings and ravings. Is this excuse enough to not do anything, to not care? No. In the end, whether we care or not, we will still have to face the consequences of our and previous generation's actions, and if we don't, we will die. We have to work out some way to counter the deadening of our consciences and a way to make us want to get up and do something. I don't know how. Frankly, I don't care how, but we do. I don't know. We're in a bit of a pickle aren't we, but honestly I don't think it's our fault.
The world is full of apathy... but I don't care.
My thoughts? There are so many issues in the "modern" and "civilized" (oh please) world that do need attention, or they will ultimately result in the end of life as we know it. Being the X-generationers that we are, we would usually say, "Fuck it, by the time the effect of not caring is actually in place, I'll be six feet under and laughing my ass off at you unfortunate mofos." Where does this blatant lethargy and lack of concern come from? The generations before us have given more damns than have done them good. Just look at the wars, booms in fertility rates, growths in economics and markets, the hippies, the revolutionary inventions that have come out of the last 30 years, all have tried to better the lives of many. The generation that takes over from us is already predicted to be the avant-garde innovative activist group that might just be able to save this planet, the ones that actually get what is going in and how to fix our stuff ups. So if we are preceeded and are going to be proceeded by people that do care, why is our generation so listless and unconcerned?
Just hang on a second though. You have to give us some credit. I have seen more marches and protests taking place this year at universities and other student based areas than ever before. I've even taken part in a few of them myself. The AIDS crisis, as bad as it is, might just be pushed in the right direction to be able to get it under control. Animal, Gay and Lesbian and even Australian general human rights are being fought for and the fighters are winning. We are getting somewhere, and I do give the people that are getting us there the credit they deserve, but take a look at everyday life. The majority of people don't care if Nestle are using child labour in some random rain forest. Voting statistics from elections all over the world and even on campuses are showing that it is the youth that aren't voting. If you want to take it back to the AIDS dilemma, the disease could be wiped out in one generation, but yet it is growing at a rate of epidemic proportions (cliche, I know, but true). We are apathetic and we know it.
Back to the question. Why are we, the emerging adults of tomorrow, so fatally unconcerned? Everytime a smoker takes a cigarette out of a box, they are forced to see "YOUR SMOKE CAN HARM THOSE AROUND YOU" or "SMOKING CAN KILL". We have been bombarded with the terrors of AIDS and other STDs since we were what? 10? Younger, I would think. The dangers of drugs and how they mess up your brain, sex drive, eyesight, bodily functions and your day to day life have been pushed under our noses since before we could even read. There has been a drastic decline in religion and spirituality over the last 10/15 years, not only in Christianity but in every faith. Compare it to the above mentioned thoughts. We are becoming so used to the problems in the world that they are becoming normalities. Our abilities to comprehend just how dangerous and threatening situations are have been numbed by the warnings and advice shouted in our ears and pushed down our throats. Everything is hyped up so much that we have become bored with it. Everytime I hear the infamous "AIDS talk" by teachers, parents, SHARC members I automatically switch off because I have heard it so many times. SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Where does this leave us? Yes. We are numb. We are becoming immune to the rantings and ravings. Is this excuse enough to not do anything, to not care? No. In the end, whether we care or not, we will still have to face the consequences of our and previous generation's actions, and if we don't, we will die. We have to work out some way to counter the deadening of our consciences and a way to make us want to get up and do something. I don't know how. Frankly, I don't care how, but we do. I don't know. We're in a bit of a pickle aren't we, but honestly I don't think it's our fault.
The world is full of apathy... but I don't care.
Darkness falls
I've tried to be dark for a long time. Here in Grahamstown especially, alot of my friends, actually most of my friends, are into the whole dark slash emo slash verging on goth lifestyle complete with depressing pictures and emotive music. Some of them write their own poetry describing how much life sucks and how they're so much happier when they're depressed. Some have piles and files of "amazing" pictures that are black and grey and have the odd pool of blood and girl in chains sort of thing. I've tried, believe me I have, but in the end I'm just too goddamn happy. Yip, that's me. A big-hearted, manic-depressive, ex-druggie, verging-on-alkie, fucked-up and confused, altogether happy teddy-bear man. I've tried writing poetry, but I suck at it. I come up with the coolest sounding stuff in my head, but by the time pen gets to paper it seems lame and more often than not it ends up scrunched up and in the dustbin. I'm even considering deleting this. I've tried the whole emotive images and dark art (not to be confused with Harry Potter) thing, but I always end up looking at more colourful stuff. Maybe that’s my problem. I like colours too much. Green rocks my world, in any form, Orange isn’t too far behind (except when it comes to that dumbass Evan. I want to throw my shoes at him!). Black is cool, but it’s even cooler when it’s flanked by Yellow or Red.
It’s weird, because my entire life, my friends have always been the clad-in-heavy-black-leather types, and as much as I hoped it would rub off on me, it never did. I suppose I’m not designed for that sort of mindset. However, contrary to popular belief, I am a highly introverted and shy person. Not the confident and outgoing person everyone tells me I am. Johnny and Matt are becoming two almost completely separate people, the one exactly what the other is not and both with their own good- and bad-points. But now I’m just rambling.
Back to the whole dark thing. Ja, maybe it’s just not me. But reading over what I’ve written, it did start to get a bit “look at how fucked up my life is”. Maybe I am dark, but a different kind of dark. Who says you have to be depressed to be emo? Who says you have to mope around drinking coffee and whinging and constantly frowning to be goth? That would be conforming to other people’s stereotypes, and excuse me if I’m wrong, is that not what the goth- and emo-type people are all against?
Screw society and its stereotypes-within-stereotypes. For the first time, I find myself completely satisfied with the way my life is going, as confused and upside down as it is. I write what is in my head and don’t need to come up with cool sounding metaphors and melodramatic lyrics to define myself. I’m happy not having to define myself. All I know is that I am a proud ninja-pirate, and this is getting a free mind into perspective.
It’s weird, because my entire life, my friends have always been the clad-in-heavy-black-leather types, and as much as I hoped it would rub off on me, it never did. I suppose I’m not designed for that sort of mindset. However, contrary to popular belief, I am a highly introverted and shy person. Not the confident and outgoing person everyone tells me I am. Johnny and Matt are becoming two almost completely separate people, the one exactly what the other is not and both with their own good- and bad-points. But now I’m just rambling.
Back to the whole dark thing. Ja, maybe it’s just not me. But reading over what I’ve written, it did start to get a bit “look at how fucked up my life is”. Maybe I am dark, but a different kind of dark. Who says you have to be depressed to be emo? Who says you have to mope around drinking coffee and whinging and constantly frowning to be goth? That would be conforming to other people’s stereotypes, and excuse me if I’m wrong, is that not what the goth- and emo-type people are all against?
Screw society and its stereotypes-within-stereotypes. For the first time, I find myself completely satisfied with the way my life is going, as confused and upside down as it is. I write what is in my head and don’t need to come up with cool sounding metaphors and melodramatic lyrics to define myself. I’m happy not having to define myself. All I know is that I am a proud ninja-pirate, and this is getting a free mind into perspective.
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