... but you still got a friend in me

Don't know if this will make sense now, but it was written on a drunken night a while back.

I choose not to blog like other people blog. I cannot for the life of me put my true thoughts on the internet for everyone to read. It's not the randoms reading my blog that I mind, it's the people I know. Most of the time my thoughts have to do with people who read this blog and my problem comes in here. I want my thoughts to be known, especially by a select few, most of the time a select one, but at the same time I feel I would look like a desperate dumbass if I made them known. Yet, because they're not known, I sit and let my stomach turn and my mind battle on because I can't actually deal with it properly myself.

I don't know what it is that I want. I want to move on, I really do, but can't seem to make myself do it completely. There is a curse that comes with optimism. A curse that always forces you to hold on to the tiny little thread of hope that you have in your heart. At the same time there is a curse that comes with pessimism. A curse that leaves you always wanting more but you know that you'll never really get it.

Now where am I left. Between a rock and a hard place, bring on the fucking cliches. I might just be stuffing up three people's lives and I don't have the balls to deal with that, so I keep it to myself.

I know this doesn't make sense, but neither does my mind at the moment. I really want to be back in last year. Things seemed complicated then, but fuck if only I knew.

I don't even know what to say anymore because there are people that will be reading this that I don't want to know how I'm feeling. But actually I really do want them to.

I really really do.